A little fic

[aliquoricegirl.livejournal.com]

Title: Out of Time
Rating: R
Pairing: Suzaku-Lelouch
Warning: Smut and angst. My favorites.
Summary: Lelouch wants to control Suzaku, and he knows just how to do that.
Notes: AU because this is my first CG fic and I'm not finished with the series yet (so if something is blatantly wrong, I'm sorry about that). It's also cross-posted to my blog (hope that's OK).


 

The concrete under Lelouch is cold. It numbs the side of his face, the arm upon which he lies, the meat of his hip. For a while, it's all Lelouch knows; the cold, the way his breath stirs up the dust and ash before his face. Then someone speaks, and Lelouch is floating free, wrapped in a fuzzy-headed amnesia.

 

The voice belongs to Suzaku. It is soft, inquiring, as Suzaku always does, after Lelouch's health. Lelouch stirs where he lies, drags his cold leg up to press against the warmth of his belly. His plan is to lever himself to his feet, but he can't. His body feels too heavy, his arms shake under him. He tries to remember. Has Britannia invaded? Is this the time when the house was shelled? No, he shakes himself, head swaying side to side, No, I'm older than that.

 

But time is strange, it expands and contracts in exact opposition to your desires, and the setting reveals nothing. Desolation. Darkness. Ash and dust. Concrete piebald with stains. Perhaps the stains are urine or water or battery acid or blood, it makes no difference. None of that will anchor him in time. He knows only that it is not his childhood, and he is not dead.

 

"Lelouch?" says Suzaku again and this time Lelouch swings his head toward the sound. There is a blur coming toward him, like a figure passing through a heatwave. "Lelouch are you OK?"

 

He will never understand why Suzaku insists on asking, because it's been so long since Lelouch was OK that he's not sure he'd know the sensation if he felt it. Suzaku asks it all the time, when they were kids he asked it again and again, until Lelouch was ready to punch him. How can it be OK? he once screamed, look what's happening to us. In response, Suzaku's little arms squeezed him tighter and for the first and last time since his mother died, Lelouch sobbed till he was sick and Suzaku's shirt was soaked.

 

"Su-" he starts and finds something has happened to his throat. He tastes blood in his mouth, when he tries to speak again, his voice is a growl. "Suzaku-" he spits a goblet of blood and phlegm and remembers the way he screamed into the radio, orders, good orders, that no one followed. He remembers the concussion of impact, remembers fighting, panic, escape. He knows where he is. He remembers failure.

 

Lelouch clears his throat. "What are you doing here?" he asks.

 

"The army is here, what are you doing here?"

 

Lelouch decides it's best not to answer that. He spits onto the ground again.

 

Suzaku kneels down beside him. He's wearing white, and it's impeccable. Even in this place, even in the darkness, Lelouch can see how Suzaku almost glows. Well, he would. It must be his morals and his pride that keep his clothes so clean, that or it's the army. It wouldn't do for the exonerated Eleven to be soiled. Not like Lelouch, who has the filth of struggle upon him.

 

It bothers him, the way Suzaku is so unsullied. He has given up nothing, instead he's let it all be taken from him by Britannia. Lelouch raises his hand and places it on Suzaku's leg, leaving a smear of filth on all that white.

 

Is it better to be feared than loved? Lelouch's father was always such a fan of Machiavelli and until now, Lelouch could never understand why. Now he understands. He understands Suzaku's endless inquiries, his concern. He understands them the way you understand things in dreams; with a certainty that is sourceless and pure.

 

Lelouch places his other hand on Suzaku's shoulder. He raises himself so that he can look full into that clean face, take the brunt of that worried expression, and then he presses his mouth to Suzaku's. Under his hands, Suzaku stiffens, but Lelouch knows it's surprise, not revulsion. It takes no time for Suzaku to soften against his hands, to open his mouth and let Lelouch kiss him, push him backward onto the filth on the floor.

 

Suzaku must have wanted this since they were kids. He shivers with anticipation, gasps whenever Lelouch's mouth leaves his. "Oh God," he whispers, hips jerking against Lelouch's.

 

Dust motes dance like gnats in the sourceless light. Lelouch smears soot and machine oil across Suzaku's clothes and skin. He smiles at what he's done, when Suzaku lies under him, the fastenings of his clothes all undone, the grime making dark his immaculate skin. Lelouch will be kind. He will be a sweet lover, and any injury Suzaku suffers will be taken as eagerness not cruelty, and that will heighten Suzaku's memory of it.

 

Afterward, he and Suzaku will part ways. They'll leave this place and return, Lelouch to the school, Suzaku to the army, to the ridiculous fop of a scientist who created the Lancelot, to his pristine moral existence, but he'll be sullied. Under his clothes, the machine oil, the tracks of Lelouch's nails raising up Suzaku's skin.

 

"Suzaku," Lelouch asks, straddling Suzaku's hips, "Do you love me?"

 

"I love you," Suzaku whispers, so guiless that Lelouch suffers a little pang of guilt that dies as quickly as a flame is snuffed. "I've always loved you," Suzaku keeps murmuring until Lelouch lowers himself onto Suzaku, and then all Suzaku can do is gasp out Lelouch's name. When he comes, Lelouch comes onto Suzaku's stomach, soiling his jacket and his shirt when he does.

 

"I'm sorry about that," he lies later on. Suzaku blinks in surprise at the sight of the mess, but forgives Lelouch just like he always does.

 

Comments

[night-owl-9.livejournal.com]

Awesome, and surprisingly dark.

[aliquoricegirl.livejournal.com]

:)
Thanks. I like darkfic. I… I might be addicted to it, actually. So Code Geass is kinda perfect.

[snowdevil-crow.livejournal.com]

Nicely done. I like how Lelouch thinks of Suzaku as pure and untainted and wants to fix that... it's quite fitting, really.

[aliquoricegirl.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it. I was laughing with a friend about how Suzaku can keep his whites so white and… well… I kinda have to wonder how Lelouch feels about it.

[tsukinotenshi.livejournal.com]

It's really incredible how you caught Lelouch's feelings/thoughts (at least, to me) even when you haven't finish the series yet. *_* I especially like this line... (for some weird reason?)

because it's been so long since Lelouch was OK that he's not sure he'd know the sensation if he felt it.

It's like "an arrow straight to the center" kinda feeling to me on Lelouch's feelings. *_* I'm probably weird. XD;; Anyway... Now I'm curious what fics you will write when you finish the series...

[aliquoricegirl.livejournal.com]

There's so much to the series, I think it's going to take me forever to finish it…

Thanks for the kind words, I'm glad you liked it :)

[frames-in-aria.livejournal.com]

It's dark yet beautiful and lovely <3 Nice icon, btw :DD

[aliquoricegirl.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Dude, I love this icon. (It's by Misako_chan, in case you're interested in grabbing one for yourself.)

[frames-in-aria.livejournal.com]

Haha, thanks for pointing that out :D