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[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

This was a request by one of my readers so, come by and read my new fanfics.

Miracle (Prt. 1 of 2)
Characters : Charles, Marianne, Lelouch, C.C, Suzaku
Rating: T
Summary: All that Lelouch once believed is being called into question. After believing his mother to be dead all this time it turns out that she is alive. Charles and Marianne try to win Lelouch over to there side of things and show him their creation. Lelouch is now left with a difficult decision...should he go with them or go with his gut...
Progress: Part 2 Coming Soon...written in tandem with "Carry You Home" (Prt 1 of 2)

Carry You Home (Prt 1 of 2)
Characters: C.C, Charles, Marianne, Lelouch, Suzaku
Mentioned: Euphie, Shirley
Rating: T
Summary: C.C's past actions and mistakes are brought to light. Not being able to stop what Lelouch will now discover; C.C has a decision to make. As she watches Lelouch see the monsters that his parents truly and listen to the dastardly deeds she commited. C.C begins to question her actions and discovers the one thing that could seal Lelouch's fate...
Progress: Part 2 Coming Soon...written in tandem with "Miracle (Prt 1 of 2)

Comment and let me know if you have any requests or like what I wrote.
Thanks

Comments

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

please tag your post =)

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

sorry I thought I did how silly of me

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

all fixed lol

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

cheers =D

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

if you have the time read my fanfic and tell me what you think

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

Alright I'll read it XD
normally I don't read lulu/CC fics but I'll make an exception for you, the first summary does sound interesting

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

thank you. Thhat makes me so happy
I hope you enjoy it

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

I'm reading the first one now, I like the plot you've made but if I would have to comment then I would suggest a different use of words to make it more comfortable to read, by that I mean that a different word can make reading a lot easier like going with the wind instead of against it.

Example:
that first time...all those men... all that blood...When it hit me in the face I was shocked at first,

When it hit me in the face ought to become When it splattered over my face
Paint doesn't hit =P it splatters and if you use that word it becomes more fluent to read

Also the thought part could be a lot more beautiful without the interruptions
I unknowingly used the Geas which possesed her to kill and she became a threat to all those she loved...I had to pull that trigger...I couldn't let her be a puppet to a command she couldn't fight...I had to....no matter how much it hurt...
->>
Unknowingly I had used Geass and it possessed her to kill, and so she became the threat to all she loved. I had to pull that trigger, I had to because I wouldn’t allow her to become a puppet under an order she couldn’t control, it didn’t matter how much I loved her and how much it hurt, it was something I had to do.

now I'm going to read the second one :D

>>C.C stood by Lelouch's side as he discovered the true face of his parents.
'As' should be 'when' grammar speaking

Also try and avoid using the same word multiple times in one sentence
>>Lelouch looked at Suzaku and then looked at C.C who looked at him sadly....
A little overdosis of looked ha ha, you could use the word stared or glanced

I thought it was enjoyable to read and I don't mean anything bad with the above comments, I improved my writing massively through the comments of other readers, it is IMO the best way to learn the English language and I always like yearn for comments, beside the usual "I loved it" messages, that might help me improve. Though a good old "this was great" does put a smle on your face so here it is ha ha. Good job! If I had to pick a fav it would be the first one!

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

edit:
Unknowingly I had used Geass and it possessed her to kill, and so she became a threat to all she loved. I had to pull that trigger, I had to because I wouldn’t allow her to become a puppet under an order she couldn’t control, it didn’t matter how much I loved her and how much it hurt, it was something I had to do.

a threat not the ROFL ha ha

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your criticism and I will make sure to do the corrections, but if anything I am glad I got you to read something you wouldn't normally. It makes me happy that I could do that for you

[karumachan.livejournal.com]

no problem X3 if the plot is interesting I tend to read the story, I just don't like the straight forward stories that are 90% of the chapter thinking of how hot the other character looks or something allong those lines without anything happening except for obvious situations we all know about ha ha XD

[pizza-pimp.livejournal.com]

so true...I wish that there would be more substance in a story. I try really hard to do that and its always good when a story wraps you up in the making of a character and why they do certain things.