code_geass ◾ ◾ fic and art

This is actually the script to the first half of my possible Lelouch/Suzaku doujinshi in the making. I wasn't planning on posting it anywhere but I would really like feedback for the Suzaku-side of the story, so I'm posting this.

I would like to know if you feel it's more suitable in this story/doujnshi for Lelouch's feelings (at least in this case) to be more or less one-sided. If it should end with requited or unrequited feelings, so to say. Let me know how you feel about this piece or even the pairing in general.

Any sort of feedback would be lovely, thanks in advance (*A*

ANYWAY:

[title] untitled
[author] myself
[wordcount] 418
[pairing/rating] Lelouch -> Suzaku (?) / PG
[notes/warnings] A bit cliché and kind of emo X_x; I don't write much, and it's a bit choppy and all over the place and more image-y to help me remember visuals, because it's actually a script/outline for a doujinshi, but I hope it flows well enough for readers to get the gist of it.

xposted to

suzalulu, sorry to those of you seeing doubles!

Sometimes Lelouch wakes up before the sun crawls over the city, with lead in his blood and his heart in his head, pounding away like a stampede.

He wakes up thinking of Suzaku, and it actually, physically hurts; so much that he almost thinks he could cry. And there will almost always be half a dozen of little half-moons on his chest where he clutches with both hands until he bleeds, never knowing or questioning why; and never daring to question why he doesn’t question why.

On mornings where they actually arrive to school on time, Suzaku would sometimes catch him in the schoolyard, with the sun in his eyes and a dagger in his back.

“Lelouch,” Suzaku would say to him, “Long time no see.”

And then Suzaku would smile, and it would suddenly make Lelouch angry, and Lelouch would want to break his nose, knowing that he’d never have the strength to really do it.

“Quite,” Lelouch would say, then, in his mind, I clearly remember I saw you yesterday, when you were that ridiculous white cavalier.

And then they would have dinner together, and everything would be all right until they meet again under stars and smoke, disguised as princes made of words and knights made of steel.

There is no way back, Lelouch tells himself, there is no way out. And there is nowhere to stop and lament about anything any more.

He thinks of Suzaku’s hands, calloused and gentle, pulling him up and over hilltops and tree branches when his thin boy-arms don’t support his body; and he thinks of how those hands have touched his cheek, just under his eye, to calm him when he didn’t know he needed calming; and he thinks of how those hands would never hoist him out of tight spots and hard places again, and he laughs at himself.

Good, he tells himself, watching CC sleep on the bed that he hasn’t slept in for weeks, perfect. This way it’s easier to part with him, anyway. But when he wakes up to watch the sunrise flush the city red and purple, he thinks he might actually have tears somewhere inside his system, and it’s Suzaku that’s on his mind.

It isn’t love.

Lelouch knows this because if it were—if it were, he should have killed Suzaku; let him die the death he desired but did not deserve. It isn’t love, because Lelouch knows if he loved him, he would have let him go.

(it isn’t love.)

need to get the hang of them before attempting to draw a story (x_x
this was posted to my art journal before, sorry if you've seen it already.